Eoghan the Film Review Guy
This is Eoghan. Hi Eoghan! He's our film review guy. Read about him here.
The Big Reviewski

Invictus (PG)
Released 5 February
133 minutes
Plot’s it all about?
The deathless Clint Eastwood is back with yet another laugh-a-minute romcom in which Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan hilariously find themsel... Wait a second. Right. Got it.
Invictus tells the true story of Nelson Mandela (yes, he’s actually real) after the fall of Apartheid in South Africa. After becoming President of his beloved nation, Mandela believed that through the universal language of sport and, with the support of his captain Francois Pienaar, the two men could help unite the country if the Springboks could possibly win the upcoming 1995 Rugby World Cup.
Eastwood, basing the screenplay on John Carlin’s book Playing the Enemy: Nelson Mandela And The Game That Changed A Nation, uses the story of Mandela and the South African rugby team to mirror each other’s efforts as the two leaders try to achieve the goal of a united Rainbow Nation.
And in case you’re wondering, Invictus, the title of the film, is Latin for “unconquered” and comes from the title of an inspirational poem that Mandela kept with him throughout his time in prison in Shawshank. I mean Robben Island.
These things are good:
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By far and away the best thing about Invictus is the fact that it’s a true story. The journey that Mandela, Pienaar and the whole South African nation went on is one of the great feel-good, against the odds, triumph stories of the 20th century. In fact, if the script had not been completely based on fact, it probably would have been laughed out of its first meeting in Hollywood for being way too cheesy. Word of warning though; if you are lactose intolerant you may want to give this film a miss because it’s got cheese coming out its face.
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The man himself. No one else other than Morgan Freeman was ever really going to play Mandela were they? Mandela’s a Free Man you see? Freeman? Morgan Freeman? Shut up. Daniel Day-Lewis reportedly auditioned for the hallowed role but rumour has it that, in spite of his usual hardcore commitment to the part, he just could not nail that tricky South African accent. Can’t win them all Daniel. Anyway, Freeman, as they say, was born to play the part. He does occasionally slip into his American accent but you’ll be happy to hear Invictus comes complete with not one, not two, but three obligatory Morgan Freeman voiceovers.
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Matt Damon (see here for bio):
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Damon yet again proves that he’s one of the most versatile actors working today (Tuesday) by putting in a solid performance as Francois Pienaar. He doesn't have to say too much during the film but when he does he nails the South African accent that Day-Lewis just couldn’t master. He also buffed up for the role as the team’s No. 6 and manages to be a very convincing and youthful 28 year old in spite of Damon actually being 40 years old this year. Which is ancient.
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Although the film really belongs to Freeman and Damon, the rest of the cast, especially the bodyguards, do provide a good insight to the tension that existed between the black and white South Africans. The bodyguards also provide much of the comic relief in the film, as do the rugby players although I’m pretty sure the rugby players are supposed to be genuine actors who can actually act and we’re probably not really supposed to be laughing at them.
These things are not so good:
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Nepotism. Yes my Dad got me a job before but so what? I’m good at what I do goddamit so it was acceptable and everything worked out in the end. Not in Invictus though. Eastwood manages to get, not one, but two of his sons jobs on this film. Boy do they let him down. Firstly, Scott Eastwood “acts” as one of the Springbok players, delivering his lines like a scrum to the balls. Secondly, and worsererer, is Kyle Eastwood’s contribution; the original soundtrack. Original? The eejit went and nicked the flippin’ Cornetto theme tune (O Sole Mio). Here’s Nelson Mandela singing a bit of it:
Told you.
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You know the old saying don’t you? It’s a film of two halves of a game of two halves. Or something. Invictus starts out as an in-depth look of Mandela’s early years as President but by the time the final third of the film kicks in, Eastwood is more interested in presenting rugby match after rugby match, albeit very well-choreographed re-enactments of the original games. Still though, it would have been better as one film (a Biopic) or the other (a sports film) or, even better still, a documentary following the real people involved in the story and using authentic footage of the events in question.
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A weak, weak unnecessary attempt at an assassination subplot appears completely out of the blue, hangs around for about ten minutes and disappears. It even comes complete with its very own evil-looking, staring, glaring man with greasy hair. Did I dream it? Why is it in this film?
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There are a lot of very unconvincing CGI crowd scenes for the climactic rugby matches and I’ve played enough FIFA and Pro Evo over the years to spot a dodgy crowd scene a mile off.
Watch these instead/ as well:
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The Bourne Trilogy: Oh God, where to begin. If you haven’t seen this collection of films then you haven’t lived. And if you are still alive while reading this and still haven’t seen these films then watch out, because Jason Bourne is on his way to your house to kill you. With a spatula.
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Unforgiven: The original and best of the Clint Eastwood and Morgan Freeman projects (which also includes the excellent Million Dollar Baby). Unforgiven is considered to be the last great Western and just proves how good these two can really be when they work together.
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Rocky: If it’s a feel-good, rags to riches sports movie you’re after then you’re in luck. Rocky, written by and starring the Italian Stallion himself, Sylvester Stallone, tells the tale of a down-on-his-luck Southpaw boxer who gets one last shot (well...) to go the distance against the champ Apollo Creed. Brilliant acting, an even better soundtrack, and an unlimited supply of quotes; “Adrian!” “Rocky!” “Adrian!” “Rocky!” “Adrian!” “Rocky!” Wow.
What do we reckon?
Listen, if you’re a fan of post-Apartheid South African politics and re-enactments of mid-nineties international rugby matches then boy are you in for a treat because this film is right up your street.
The problem with Invictus isn’t that it’s a bad film (it’s not), but that it could have been so much better. With top actors like Freeman and Damon on board, and Eastwood pulling the strings behind the camera, you would expect a better overall finished product but unfortunately the final execution doesn’t quite match the brilliance of the subject matter. In fact, a feature-length documentary on the story of Mandela, Pienaar and the South African people would be a must-see but, in the meantime, we’ll have to make do with these real-life highlights below. Oh, and Invictus:
Now I was going to give Invictus a respectable five out of ten (Aparth-five out of ten?) but any film that includes footage of Jonah Lomu’s four steam-rolling tries against England in the competition’s semi-final definitely deserves a bonus mark. And it’s for that reason Invictus gets:
In-six-tus out of ten. It’s a subtle one.
Where the Wild Things Are (PG)

Released 11 December
101 minutes
Plot’s it all about?
Like Monty Python’s Brian, 12 year old Max is a very naughty boy. After fighting with his sister and biting his mammy he runs away from home on an adventure and sails off to the far-away land inhabited by the huge and hairy Wild Things. After convincing these weird and wonderful creatures not to eat him, Max is made their King because it turns out he is “the most Wild Thing of all.” He soon realises though that keeping his promises and making all the Wild Things happy is much more difficult than he first thought.
These things are good:
Adapting Maurice Sendak’s beloved children’s book, Spike Jonze (director of Being John Malkovich and Adaptation), along with novelist Dave Eggers, has fleshed out the original text from a mere 300 or so words to create and realise a world where you’ll believe that the Wild Things actually exist. Created by actors in full body suits that are designed by the Jim Henson Company and with computer-generated facial expressions based on the voice actors’ own faces, the Wild Things are visually amazing, completely matching Sendak’s own illustrations from the 1963 classic.
The whole cast, whether it’s in a physical form onscreen or as a voice of one of the titular Wild Things, is perfect. James Gandolfini, Paul Dano and Catherine O’Hara brilliantly make their Wild Things come to life and even small walk-on roles like Max’s mother’s boyfriend are played by top, talented actors like Mark Ruffalo. It is Max Records, however, playing Max in the film that really stands out. His performance in Where the Wild Things Are is without doubt one of the best child performances onscreen and is up there with the likes of Haley Joel Osment (The Sixth Sense), Macaulay Culkin (Home Alone) and, probably the greatest child performance ever committed to celluloid, Robin Williams as Jack in Jack.
Simultaneously funny, scary and sad throughout, Where the Wild Things Are had me laughing, pooing my pants and blubbering like a little schoolgirl all at once. What a mess. Fortunately I calmed down after those opening four minutes and pulled myself together to enjoy the rest of the film.
The music was always going to be good for Where the Wild Things Are, especially after the Arcade Fire re-recorded an acoustic version of Wake Up specifically for the film’s trailer. The soundtrack for the film itself is written by the brilliant Karen O (lead singer of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs) and Carter Burwell (the Coen brothers’ first-choice composer) with the lead song All Is Love having just been nominated for a 2010 Grammy award. Burwell and Karen O have written the perfect soundtrack for Where the Wild Things Are which goes hand in hand with the beautifully realised aesthetic achieved by Jonze.
These things are not so good:
Now although it was hard to find any flaws with Where the Wild Things Are, there are just a few minor issues that will inevitably come up when discussing the film. There’s no doubt that people have said that it’s far too scary for children and that the plot may be a bit aimless BUT I’ve thought long and hard about it and I would counter-act those critics by telling them to “shut up.” That usually works.
It may take a while but people are just going to have to get over the disappointing fact that these Wild Things are not the Denise Richards and the Neve Campbell version of Wild Things that they may have been expecting. You won’t be disappointed for long though as Max soon lets “the wild rumpus start.” It still would have been better with a pool scene though.
Watch these instead/ as well:
Being John Malkovich: Spike Jonze’s first big success after he made the move from music videos to the big screen may require a few viewings to get your head round it but it’s worth every minute. Not only are there excellent performances from John Cusack and Malkovich himself but Cameron Diaz’s hair also puts in its second-best performance of the Nineties after There’s Something About Mary.
Jackass: The Movie: “Hi. I’m Spike Jonze and welcome to Jackass.” That’s right. The director who brought us such lovely adaptations of children’s’ books like Where the Wild Things Are and deep-thinking works of art like Being John Malkovich also co-created Jackass. Turns out Spike Jonze is a massive skateboarding freak and was responsible for one of MTV’s biggest and best shows in recent years.
Yeah Yeah Yeahs : After watching Where the Wild Things Are I dusted down my old Yeah Yeah Yeahs back catalogue (scrolled to ‘Y’ on my iPod) and had a listen. Turns out they’re still amazing and their debut album Fever to Tell is the perfect way to get acquainted with Karen O and the gang.
What do we reckon?
As mentioned above, Where the Wild Things Are is probably going to be deemed too scary for some younger viewers but, if we’re honest, there’s no harm in kids being scared at the cinema a little bit is there? When I was growing up I remember being absolutely scared stiff (snigger) by the film adaptation of Roald Dahl’s The Witches and the terrifying (only because he’s really, really old) Knight at the end of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade but I still turned out alright. Ok, so I can’t go to ANY art galleries because the paintings are obviously going to come to life and attack me (thank you Vigo in Ghostbusters II), but apart from that I’m fine.
More importantly though, the author Maurice Sendak himself has said that he believes the story is for kids who have grown up and yet still retain elements of their childhood, while Spike Jonze explained that he wanted to make a film about childhood rather than create a children’s movie.
And he’s succeeded. Where the Wild Things Are is a brilliant, mesmerising film about growing up, family, friendships, finding your identity and ultimately, boyhood. Freud would have an absolute field-day with this one. But he’s dead. Analyse that Professor Not-around-anymore.
In yet another questionable link from The Big Reviewski we’ll be rating this one in honour of director Spike Jonze’s rad skateboarding past. The crazy director dude even had these novelty skateboards made up. Where the Wild Things Are gets:
Eight-and-a-half-pipe out of Ten (uous).

Fantastic Mr Fox (PG)
Released 23rd October
87 minutes
Plot’s it all about?
Wes Anderson, one of the leading directors of the modern era, brings us the latest film in his growing collection of tales about dysfunctional families, social misfits and memorable leading men (or in this case, leading fox).
Essentially adapting and updating Roald Dahl’s 1970 children’s classic, Anderson and his co-writer Noah Baumbach (The Squid and the Whale) have used the premise of the original Fantastic Mr Fox text as the source material for the middle act of their film version. They’ve also created a new back story for Mr Fox and his family and a rip-roaring grand finale for, well, the grand finale. At the end.
Originally making a living as a sneaky chicken-stealer, Mr Fox, after finding out his wife is pregnant with their first cub, settles down to a safer line of work writing a column for his local newspaper that no one ever really reads. I know how he feels.
Years later though, his wild animal instincts kick in when the family moves in beside three wicked farmers called Boggis, Bunce and Bean. Soon enough Mr Fox is back to his old ways and before long the whole animal community is in danger as a result of his poultry-stealing antics. In true Dahl and Anderson style the only way to survive is for everyone to band together and fend off the evil farmers who are determined to capture Mr Fox at any cost.
These things are good:
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Wes Anderson returns to the big screen with his first ever animated feature in what a lot of people would say is also a return to form after 2004’s The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou and The Darjeeling Limited in 2007. Making brilliant use of the stop-motion technique (something he had hinted at in The Life Aquatic), Anderson has made a truly original adaptation of Fantastic Mr Fox, especially at a time when so many films rely completely on CGI and bombard the audience with 3D gimmicks. The director has been able to add his own touch to the story while simultaneously keeping the spirit of Dahl’s original source material, at once creating a Mr Fox that is both a charming lead and at the same time a fierce wild animal.
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As with all of his previous films, Anderson has succeeded in assembling one of the best casts of the year, albeit a voice cast in the case of Fantastic Mr Fox. George Clooney is perfectly cast as the titular (snigger) Mr Fox, while Bill Murray, Meryl Streep and Owen Wilson put in flawless performances in the little screen time that they have. Without a doubt, however, the two standout and funniest performances come from Anderson regulars Jason Schwartzman as Ash the cub and Wally Wolodarsky as Kylie the Opossum.
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The film looks absolutely amazing and you could even watch the whole thing with the sound off (for the right reasons) and still have a satisfactory viewing experience. Basing the aesthetic s of the picture on Dahl’s own countryside hometown in England, Anderson and his team of designers have created an autumnal palette full of tasty reds, oranges and golden brown; that’s golden brown and not Gordon Brown the British Prime Minister. A palette full of tasty reds, oranges and Gordon Brown would be horrible.
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Dahl’s popular limerick about the three villains in the book plays a key role in the film version of Fantastic Mr Fox, with sections of the dialogue, the plot and even the music based around it. Welcome to The Big Reviewski poetry corner:
“Boggis, Bunce and Bean, One fat, one short, one lean. These horrible crooks, So different in looks, Were none the less equally mean.”
These things are not so good:
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Although Fantastic Mr Fox the film is based on the original book for children, there is a large possibility that a lot of the film’s content will go over the heads of many of the younger viewers. While the animation and slap-stick may keep the wains entertained for the most part, the dialogue especially is typical of a Wes Anderson film and therefore probably more suited for kids stuck inside adult bodies. From a purely selfish point of view, however, I don’t care whether children like it or not because I loved it and that’s all that really matters.
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In true Wes Anderson style, Fantastic Mr Fox is presented in a series of smaller episodic sections. In fact, in keeping with the literary theme, each part of the film is introduced as a chapter in a book, a technique the director also used in The Royal Tenenbaums and one that fellow modern great, Quentin Tarantino is a fan of also. For some viewers, however, this method can be off-putting and detracts from the overall flow of the film, a criticism that has been levelled at many of Anderson’s films. In answer to those critics I simply say this; if Wes Anderson is good enough for Bill Murray then he’s good enough for anyone.
Watch these instead/as well:
- Rushmore: It may be JP’s favourite film but don’t let that put you off. One of Anderson’s finest films and the movie that gave Jason Schwartzman his big break, Rushmore also features the usual brilliant and hilarious performance from Mr Bill Murray. See for yourself:
- Fantastic Mr Fox: The book that is. That’s right, a book. They still exist and if you had a deprived childhood and never got a chance to read Dahl’s brilliant, dark and funny children’s story then try and get your hands on a copy. It’s only 80 pages short so you can get the whole thing read in one enjoyable sitting.
- Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory: Forget Tim Burton’s 2005 adaptation of Dahl’s Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, it’s all about the original 1971 Version starring Gene Wilder. Watching this on VHS every Friday after school as a kid I now know why I have a severe addiction to chocolate and films. And films about chocolate. Except Chocolat. Which is crap.
What do we reckon?
For Fox sake definitely go and see this film. Fantastic Mr Fox is a perfect addition to the wonderful collection of stop-motion films available in film land and is, I would confidently say, already a classic of the genre and up there with the likes of The Nightmare Before Christmas, Coraline and the Wallace and Gromit films. In rating Fantastic Mr Fox and as a dedication to the great Roald Dahl (and not forgetting Ray’s very own Odes to Laura Byrne) I have decided to try my hand at a little bit of poetry. Initially I struggled in my creative infancy and there was an unsuccessful first draft of the limerick:
“Foley, JP and Adelle,
One tall, one short, and one very heavily pregnant with a baby due in just a matter of months.”
As you can see, it just didn’t roll off the tongue quite as I would have liked. However, like all the literary greats, ingenuity came spewing out of me before I could do anything about it. Undoubtedly my own final version will, over time, become as popular and memorable, if not more so, than Roald Dahl’s:
“Adelle and Foley are great, JP is only their mate,
He’s really quite crap, Only filling a gap,
And I’m giving the film eight.”
(Out of ten).
The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus (12A)

Released 16 October
122 minutes
Plot’s it all about?
Directed by the usually brilliant Terry Gilliam, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus is a fantasy adventure and morality tale that follows Doctor Parnassus (Christopher Plummer), the leader of a fantastical travelling theatre group that ply their trade in modern London. He is a man with dark and wonderful secrets, however, and through shady dealings with Mr Nick the Devil (Tom Waits) he has become immortal and gained the ability to transport his audience members into their imaginations through his amazing and marvellous Imaginarium.
Unfortunately for Dr P (to give him his official hip-hop name), his dodgy deal with the Devil means that on the night of her 16th birthday, the soul of his daughter Valentina (Lily Cole) will belong to Mr Nick forever unless the mysterious stranger Tony (Heath Ledger, Johnny Depp, Jude Law, Colin Farrell) can do anything to possibly help them in their devilish dilemma. Simple.
These things are good:
- First things first. Heath Ledger tragically died during the making of this film and it is regrettably for that reason more so than any other that The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus is going to be well-known and talked about. Admirably though, the film is now ready for release in spite of the fact that one of the main characters had only filmed half of his overall part. Fortunately the whole premise of the film (journeying into your imagination via the Doctor’s Imaginarium) lends itself perfectly to the notion that we all have different versions of ourselves and it was this genius reshuffling of the script that allowed Johnny Depp, Jude Law and Colin Farrell to play the different versions of Heath Ledger’s Tony, each actor paying homage (French for cheese) to their deceased colleague. Why would you even give a dead person cheese?
- The three actors who eventually stepped up to play the part of Tony are actually one of the plus points of the film. Johnny Depp, in spite of having the least screen-time of the three, makes a funny and charming impression while Jude Law thankfully doesn’t have quite enough time to wreck the film in the manner that he so often does. The best of the three though (no bias here of course) is Colin Farrell who makes an excellent attempt at an Irish man playing an Australian man playing an English man. All three additional Tonys are made up to look exactly like Heath Ledger’s character and so it is genuinely confusing trying to work out who is who as they each appear onscreen for the first time, especially as each of the actors imitate the tics and mannerisms that Ledger originally brought to the role.
- Tom Waits as Mr Nick the Devil is probably one of the best castings of the year. The dirty auld gravelly-voiced singer is perfect as the cool, jazzy and constantly smoke-shrouded Lord of all Evil and acts as though he could have come from one of the artist’s very own seedy songs.
- Lily Cole also gives a stand-out performance as the good doctor’s daughter Valentina. Some other things that stand out are her breasts. Terry Gilliam clearly has an eye for them and you should keep an eye out for her (them) too at next year’s award ceremonies; she’ll be the one winning the Oscar for Breast Supported Actress.
These things are not so good:
- The legend that is Terry Gilliam, whether it’s in his animation work for Monty Python or his own directorial feature films, just doesn’t shine through enough here in The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus. The film definitely has its highlights and you can see that the director (who is famous for his cut-out animation style) is clearly enjoying himself with the more modern animation technique of CGI. Generally though, the film is just a little bit too messy; there are large plot holes, obvious continuity issues and the end is wrapped up so abruptly and unclearly that you get the impression that everyone was just glad to have the whole thing out of the way.
- Inescapable as the death of one of the main actors is, the issue is slightly overdone in some parts of the film and it’s interesting to see which aspects had clearly been added following the death of Ledger. There is, for example, a fitting and tasteful end credit explaining that The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus is “A Film by Heath Ledger and Friends.” On the other hand, however, there is an entire sequence showing pictures of people like James Dean and Princess Diana accompanied with dialogue such as “they are forever young, like Gods, immortal” followed by a huge pause just so that everyone watching realises that they’re talking about the deceased Ledger. We get it.
Watch these instead/as well:
- Life of Brian: Terry Gilliam co-wrote and stars in simply one of the greatest comedies of all time from one of the greatest comedy troupes of all time, Monty Python. If you think the Bible’s hilarious (which it is) then get a load of this stuff.
- Twelve Monkeys: Gilliam directed this 1995 sci-fi classic that stars Bruce Willis, Brad Pitt and Doctor Parnassus himself, Christopher Plummer. A film that requires multiple viewings, it’s a mental time-travel adventure that features excellent performances from its two lead men.
- The Dark Knight: Directed by the exceptional Christopher Nolan, The Dark Knight was easily the best film of 2008 and should really be remembered as Heath Ledger’s last and greatest role. Simply outstanding as the Joker, Ledger won a posthumous Oscar for his portrayal of Batman’s nemesis. He won’t be winning any fancy awards for his performance in The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus so if you haven’t seen The Dark Knight then go and watch it. Now.
What do we reckon?
Of course massive congratulations/ kudos/ fair play etc goes to Terry Gilliam and the rest of the people involved for even getting the film finished in the first place, especially after Heath Ledger buggered off to Heaven. Unfortunately though, the film just doesn’t live up to the hype that now surrounds it and in fact is overall slightly disappointing, especially considering the genius talent (both directorially and cast-wise) that was involved in the making. As recommended above though, to see what this film-maker can really do you should watch the excellent Twelve Monkeys. The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, however, is only half the film that that one is and it’s for that reason that this film gets:
Six out of Twelve Monkeys.

Tedious link I know but shut up.
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (12A)

June 19th
150 minutes
Plot’s it all about?
Two years on from the end of the first Transformers film (2007) our human hero Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf or ‘The Beef’ to his friends) is heading off to college and is having relationship issues with his missus Mikaela (Megan Fox).
That’s the least of his worries though as, when he decides to (finally) wash his clothes from the first film and finds a shard of the All Spark, he inadvertently discovers information vital to the evil plans of the Decepticons.
In the meantime, Optimus Prime and his band of brave Autobots have teamed up with international armies to form NEST, a secret taskforce dedicated to ridding the world of the remaining followers of Megatron.
All the while though, an ancient evil known only as the Fallen is lurking in outer space, watching and waiting for the perfect moment to attack and destroy all of humankind…
These things are good:
- The plot of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is basically a complete rehash of Transformers and that’s not a bad thing. The first film was incredibly enjoyable so why mess with a winning formula? This time though, bigger is (supposedly) better. After an amazing opening in Shanghai, the sequel sets off like Transformers on speed going global, under the ocean, back in time, into outer space and doing all of it with about a million gazillion robots up on screen.
- All the CGI in the film looks absolutely brilliant, especially the aforementioned million gazillion Transformers. Thankfully, most of the action takes place in wide open spaces making it easy for the audience to properly appreciate the robots in all their glory, something that was a problem in the first film. One of the robots you definitely get to appreciate is Devastator, a Decepticon with a huge set of wrecking balls doubling up as his, well, huge set of wrecking balls. You’ll see…
- The writers in this second film have come up with an amazingly scientific method of letting the audience know which of the Decepticons we should be more afraid of. Basically, the deeper your voice, the more evil you are. If you thought Megatron was bad then wait till you hear the Fallen open his mouth; Barry White’s got nothin’ on that deep-voiced mother-flipper. Plus Barry White is dead.
These things are not so good:
- In striving to make this film bigger, better and even bigger again than Transformers, Michael Bay and his team have just tried that little bit too hard. Of course I would love to watch a film about the Transformers for well over the running time of 150 minutes but it’s important that a film of that length holds your attention for the entire duration. Watching this sequel, you reach your enjoyment saturation level after the first few massive exploding set-pieces and eventually find yourself completely numb to what’s going on up on the big screen. This film could easily have been an hour shorter if they took out all those trademark Michael Bay slow-motion sunsets. Surely the sun sets slowly enough on its own anyway? And don’t call me Shirley.
- Aspects of the first film that worked well have been brought back but have now been unwisely overused. Sam’s parents for example, were used to brilliant comic effect in Transformers but barely get off the screen for the first 45 minutes in the sequel. Go away Sam’s parents – I want to see robots blow up stuff.
- Now I may get a few funny looks here but the director dedicates way too much gratuitous screen time to Megan Fox, Isabel Lucas (who’ll never be allowed to French kiss a lad again) and the rest of the impossibly good looking female cast. To paraphrase Anchorman’s Brian Fantana; don’t get me wrong now, I love the ladies, but we came to watch the Transformers sequel Mr Bay, not FHM: The Movie. Now there’s an idea…
Watch these instead/as well:
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Transformers: If you haven’t seen the prequel to Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen then go out and watch it now. Not only recommended because of the continuity factor between the two films, it’s worth watching Optimus Prime and his pals prance about because this film is pure popcorn entertainment at its best.
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The Rock: Over the years Michael Bay has been hit and miss with his directorial output but The Rock (Sean Connery, Nicolas Cage) is not just one of his best films, but one of thee best action films of the 1990s. Pearl Harbour on the other hand is a big steaming turd of a thing.
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Holes: Speaking of hit and miss, ‘The Beef’s’ acting skills have come in for a bit of stick throughout his short career. Myself and Steven Spielberg are fans though and it’s mainly down to LaBeouf’s breakout film role in the dark and funny Holes. These guys, however, don’t think he’s up to much:
What do we reckon?
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is what a summer blockbuster is all about: the exciting anticipation, the ridiculous plot, the huge explosions and the ultimate crushing disappointment that it just wasn’t what you had hoped it would be.
If you do go and see it, be prepared that all you will be able to think about after leaving this film is that everything, and I mean everything, is going to transform into a robot and will subsequently want to fight you or “roll out.” I came away thinking that the Luas I was on was going to wreak havoc on O’Connell Street and, if I’m honest, a little part of me is disappointed that it didn’t.
Rating-wise I’ll be dedicating this one to the leader of the Autobots and giving Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen:
Optimus Nine out of Fifteen (because Optimus Six out of Ten didn’t have quite the same ring to it).

The Hangover (15)

June 12th
100 minutes
Plot’s it all about?
Doug the groom (Justin Bartha), his two best buddies in the whole wide world Phil (Bradley Cooper) and Stu (Ed Helms), and his future brother-in-law Alan (Zach Galifianakis) head to Las Vegas on a stag do for a night they’ll never forget. Waking up the next morning though, it turns out they have in fact forgotten everything that happened. Not only are they suffering from a severe case of memory loss, their room has been trashed and Phil, Stu and Alan have somehow misplaced Doug in a Dude, Where’s My Groom? sort of way.
With the clock counting down to the big wedding, the amnesiac trio must retrace their steps from the night before and hope that they somehow rescue their missing friend and get him back to L.A. before his bride-to-be figures out what’s going on.
These things are good:
- The premise of The Hangover itself is one of the best things about the film as the director Todd Phillips (Old School) cleverly begins the action the morning after the night before. This set up, coupled with the forgetfulness of the three men, gives everyone licence for complete randomness. Logic is thrown out the window as the men awake to find things like a tiger in the bathroom, a random baby in the closet and, most disturbing of all, Mike Tyson singing Phil Collins numbers. Scary stuff.
- The cast of the film is a breath of fresh air and makes a nice change from going to see a comedy inevitably directed by Judd Apatow and starring the usual suspects Paul Rudd, Steve Carell and Seth Rogen. Interestingly, Rogen actually starred in every single film made in 2008. Fact.
- The star of the show is undoubtedly Zach Galifianakis as Alan, the freaky and perverted future brother-in-law of Doug. Accurately described in the film as a "fat Jesus", Galifianakis, although he’s been doing stand-up comedy for years, has now properly made it to the big time with this stand-out performance. Here’s hoping for plenty more roles for the comedic Messiah.
These things are not so good:
- Ken Jeong (Knocked Up, Pineapple Express) stars in The Hangover as effeminate Asian gangster Mr Chow. More like Mr Annoying if you ask me. This character becomes quite irritating quite quickly and to make matters worse, Jeong (who’s American) speaks with an accent that’s almost as bad as JP’s crazy Russian/Chinese hybrid accent thingy.
- One of the biggest disappointments of The Hangover is that it just isn’t quite as funny as it has been hyped up to be. Yes, there are steady chuckles from start to finish, but there’s just not as many laugh-at-loud moments as you might have thought, especially considering that this film is already being touted as “the funniest film of the year.” Ahm, has no one seen Angels & Demons?
Watch these instead/as well:
- Between the Ferns with Zach Galifiankis – Definitely check out more of this lad’s work, you won’t be disappointed. Here’s just one of his excellent interviews with his co-star Bradley Cooper - clicky>>>
- Old School – Director Todd Phillips’ best film to date is another tale of grown men holding on to their adolescent ways as best they can and was the film responsible for the breakout of the daddy man-child of them all, Mr Will Ferrell.
- Memento – If The Hangover gets you in the mood for a memory-loss mystery then look no further than this outstanding film starring Guy Pearce. It’s about a man who… who… ahm… I seem to have completely forgotten what this film is about. Just go and watch it.
What do we reckon?
Although I mentioned above that The Hangover could be funnier, it still is a funny film and it’s definitely better than some of the other cinematic choices out at the moment (Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert, Obsessed, 12 Rounds). Get yourself along to this at the weekend and you’ll be in for a treat you won’t forget. Hopefully.
In keeping with The Hangover theme we’re giving this one:
7 Hairs of the Dog / 10

Looking For Eric (15A)
Out June 12
116 minutes
Plot’s it all about?
Eric the football fanatic postman (Steve Evets) is a bit of a mess. He’s ruined two marriages, his stepsons have fallen in with a bad crowd and he’s stuck in a job that he hates. Even his friends and the reappearance of his childhood sweetheart Lily (Stephanie Bishop) can’t rescue him from this rut.
Someone who can help him, however, is his idol and hero, Eric Cantona. That’s right, Monsieur Eric Cantona of Manchester United, kung fu-kicking and sardines fame.
Following the advice and philosophies of Big Eric the flawed genius, Little Eric the flawed postman slowly but surely begins to turn his life around…
These things are good:
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As much as it pains me to admit it as a Liverpool fan, Eric Cantona is great in this film and steals every scene that he is in. Now don’t make me say it again. I still haven’t forgiven the man for his strike in the 85th minute of the 1996 FA Cup Final.
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Steve Evets in his first ever lead role is completely convincing as the down-on-his-luck Eric Bishop, portraying suicidal helplessness and child-like giddiness in the presence of his pin-up with equal brilliance. And his name is a palindrome which just leads to hours of fun. Well, minutes at least.
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The supporting cast, especially Little Eric’s Royal Mail colleagues led by the entertaining Meatballs (John Henshaw) are excellent. The film also stars Gerard Kearns for all you Shameless enthusiasts, a Manchester City fan who wouldn’t wear a United top during filming unless he was allowed to wear a City one underneath. Now that’s what I call acting.
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The director Ken Loach often uses imperfect and improvised takes in his final cut and it’s because of this the film feels real, in spite of its imaginary premise. Some of the best moments in Looking For Eric for example are the group scenes with the postmen (friends and stand-up comics in real-life) when they come across as genuinely having a good time with each other. Loach also “Loached” a lot of the cast, a technique where he didn’t fully inform the actors what was happening in the scene e.g. Evets didn’t actually know Cantona was starring in the film until the man himself stepped out from hiding in a cupboard to complete a scene while simultaneously scaring the living bejesus out of everyone in the room.
These things are not so good:
- Towards the end of Looking For Eric one of the subplots unexpectedly becomes the main focus of the film and it’s here that the story unravels slightly. It’s no coincidence that Cantona isn’t present during this disjointed 20 minute section and unsurprisingly the film gets back on track as soon as Loach’s focus returns to the two Erics in a brilliantly surreal finale.
- You really have to concentrate when King Cantona is talking onscreen as it is sometimes ‘impossible’ (that’s French for impossible) to tell whether he’s speaking in English or French.
- It’s about Manchester United. Need I say more?
Watch these instead/as well:
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The Wind That Shakes The Barley – Ken Loach’s 2006 film won the Palme d’Or at Cannes and stars the incredibly unattractive Cillian Murphy. Set during the Irish War of Independence and the Irish Civil War (1919-1923), this film makes you want to sing a lot of Wolfe Tone songs.
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Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels – if watching ex-pro footballers branching out into acting is your thing then you’re in luck. Vinnie Jones has been there and done that too but do not, I repeat, DO NOT use this as an excuse to watch X-Men: The Last Stand. It’s crap.
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Fight Club – if watching the protagonist of the film lead his life according to the philosophies of an imaginary friend is your thing then you’re in luck… I’ve already said too much.
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Pete’s Dragon – if watching a… not this time. The last time I saw this Disney film about a kid with an invisible dragon as a friend I was nine. I had also just eaten a full block of Edam cheese. It was good then, let’s hope it’s still good now.
What do we reckon?
You definitely do not have to be a football fan to take pleasure in this film and you can enjoy it for what it is; a funny and moving love story between a man and his idol with great performances all round.
The star of the show is undoubtedly Eric Cantona himself, clearly an actor with a good sense of humour who is able to play the fans’ version of himself onscreen – a surreal spliff-smoking, booze-swigging and trumpet playing fantastical imagining; “I am not a man. I am Cantona.”
In keeping with the tone of the film and Cantona himself, I am going to write the rating in fluent French so get out your pocket dictionaries:
I zink zat zis feelim should get huit out of dix. Au revoir.

The Shawshank Redemption

Running in the Gaiety Theatre May 14th – June 20th 2009
Ticket prices range from €25 to €55 and are available from www.gaietytheatre.com and www.ticketmaster.ie
Plot’s it all about?
Do you really need to ask? If you are one of the three people who have never seen the film here’s a brief synopsis:
Andy Dufresne (Kevin Anderson) is wrongly convicted and sentenced to two consecutive life terms in Shawshank Prison for the murders of his wife and her lover. The story follows Andy as he learns to survive in prison, how his friendship with fellow inmate Red (Reg Cathey) grows over the course of their time in confinement, and ultimately how Andy’s undying hope inspires him in his bid for freedom.
AND THERE’S A MASSIVE SURPRISE TWIST!
No, there’s not.
Or is there?
Yes there is.
The stage version of The Shawshank Redemption has been adapted by Dave Owens and Owen O’Neill, is directed by Peter Sheridan and, according to the producers at Lane Productions, is “based on Stephen King’s novella as opposed to the 1994 screenplay.”
These things are good:
- The story lends itself perfectly to a stage adaptation as the action (mostly) takes place within the walls of Shawshank prison and a stage is the perfect setting for presenting the intimate relationship between Andy and Red.
- The thespians are excellent (that’s theatre-talk for actors). Anderson as Dufresne, Cathey as Red and Keir Dullea (2001: A Space Odyssey) are the play’s international calling cards but there’s plenty of home-grown talent too. Particularly impressive are Diarmuid Noyes as Tommy and Joe Hanley as Bogs. Yes that’s Joe Hanley from Fair City but don’t let that put you off.
- Speaking of home-grown talent, the lighting (Kevin Treacy) and sound design (Denis Clohessy) are used brilliantly but it’s the set design by Ferdia Murphy that really stands out. The stage effortlessly transforms from scene to scene without a scruffy, bearded, pony-tailed stage-hand in sight… and that’s just the female ones.
These things are not so good:
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If you are expecting the play to be The Shawshank Redemption in 3D then you may be disappointed. It is in 3D obviously but, having been adapted by two comedians the play has a more light-hearted tone throughout and humour seems to be much more to the fore, something the film didn’t need to rely on to succeed. Even the genius reveal at the end of the story comes across as being quite Benny Hill-esque as the guards and inmates chase each other round the stage running in one door and out the other.
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Some of the most memorable scenes and quotes from the film are missing in the stage version. It’s understandable that there’s no ‘DJ Dufresne feat. Mozart’ scene (when he hijacks the prison’s PA system) as it’s not in the original story, but no “get busy livin’ or get busy dyin’?” Unforgiveable, as the inspirational quote does appear in King’s novella and especially when they opted for the less effective “dreams are what the future is made of… Hope will take you there” as the production’s tag line.
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- The Shawshank Redemption – Frank Darabont’s 1994 film, despite being a flop on its initial release, has consistently remained one of the most popular films of all time and currently holds the number one spot in the Internet Movie Database Top 250 Movies poll. Plus you can probably get it in HMV for a fiver.
- Different Seasons – Stephen King’s collection of four short stories, three of which have been adapted into two brilliant films (The Shawshank Redemption and Stand by Me) and one not-so-brilliant film (Apt Pupil). King also has the Dollar Deal, an exclusive offer where the author grants permission to adapt one of his short stories in exchange for just $1. Not even Lidl has deals that good these days.
- The Great Escape – King of cool Steve McQueen stars as the Cooler King Virgil Hilts in the film that made prison, well, cool. Another tale of freedom, friendship and hope, The Great Escape will be on your TV this Christmas and every Christmas until the end of time so there’s no need to even buy it. “Good luck…”
What do we reckon?
Of course comparison with the 1994 film is inevitable but the play is its own entity and needs to be approached that way. If you get the opportunity over the next few weeks I’d definitely recommend taking a trip to the Gaiety Theatre to see the production. An inspirational story with great performances all round is a guaranteed good night out and, as the production will go probably international at some stage, there’s no better chance to see it in its world stage premiere performance. You can then brag to your friends that you were there from the beginning and that you “always knew it was going to be a big hit.”
Parents be advised though; there’s no age restriction on the audience but the play does have some male full frontal nudity and scenes of an adult nature (that doesn’t just mean scenes with adults in them).
Enjoy.
p.s. If you do need a quick recap on The Shawshank Redemption and you only have one minute free then take a wee look at this:
Angels and Demons (12A)

Released: May 14th
Duration: 128 minutes
Plot’s it all about?
Now bear with me here, this may take a while.
Tom Hanks returns as symbologist Robert Langdon in the follow-up to the 2006 film The Da Vinci Code. This time, instead of going up against the Church, he teams up with sexy scientist Vittoria Vetra (not to be confused with a Vauxhall Vectra which is also in the film) played by Ayelet Zurer to protect the holy Joes (led by Ewan McGregor’s Camerlengo and Stellan Skarsgard’s Commander of the Swiss Guard) from an ancient brotherhood known as the Illuminati. This bunch of no-good art-lovers is seemingly intent on blowing the Vatican City to high Heaven (wahey!) with an anti-matter bomb. Don’t ask.
Oh, and did I mention that the Pope has died and the Illuminati have kidnapped the four Cardinals favourite to replace him? Conveniently though, the bad guys have left a 400-year-old series of art-based clues leading straight to them and so Robert Langdon is in a race against time to:
(a) Solve said clues and rescue the Cardinals before they’re murdered on the hour, every hour,
(b) Stop the bomb from going off and killing everyone,
(c) Get back to working on
Toy Story 3 before anyone notices he made this Papal-preoccupied poo.
These things are good:
- Angels & Demons (and bears, oh my) is a much better film than The Da Vinci Code. Thank God. Obviously, it would have been difficult not to be an improvement on the first film but the sequel definitely isn’t without its flaws. More about that later though.
- The new film is much more action-packed (especially in the final scenes), there are multiple murder mysteries to be solved, and there are plenty of gory scenes with gouged-out eyes and bare-chest branding galore. The fact that there is a ticking-bomb premise also means that the film can’t afford to hang about with scenes full of waffle, no matter how hard it tries.
- The film is a great advert for Rome and the Vatican City and, just like The Ray Foley Show achieves daily, the director Ron Howard has succeeded in turning high culture into low art. Good work everybody.
- Tom Hanks in Speedos. Finally Hollywood gives us what we’ve all been waiting for… Forget Daniel Craig in Casino Royale or me in primary school, this scene is worth the admission price alone.
These things are not so good:
- Although it’s less talky than The Da Vinci Code, it’s still quite hard to take the film seriously as Tom Hanks footnotes every action scene with a history lesson about the “blah blah blah of 1668.”
- In addition to that, Ayelet Zurer’s character is reduced to running around after Hanks while simultaneously putting his scientific explanations into layman’s terms for the audience. Also, unlike the book she doesn’t get to have sexy time with her male lead. Booooo.
- Fr. Patrick McKenna (Ewan McGregor’s character) is Italian in Dan Brown’s novel but Irish in the film. By the sound of it though, the Camerlengo who was “born and bred in Ulster,” must have also lived in inner-city Dublin for a while and spent his summers in west Cork before settling in the Vatican City. If you want an Irish priest why not just get Ardal O’Hanlon? Angels & Dougals anyone?
- The Illuminati assassin (played by Nikolaj Lie Kaas) is a pretty ruthless killer throughout EXCEPT when he has the perfect opportunity to kill Langdon and Vauxhall Vectra. His reason for letting them go? Because they had “no weapon.” Hasn’t this eejit seen The Da Vinci Code or read the books? Robert Langdon’s weapon is his genius symbologist mind. Duh.
- Not once does anyone quote Anchorman and say “When in Rome…” Disgraceful.
Watch these instead/as well:
- Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade – the original and best professor with an adventurous streak. The third film in the trilogy (we don’t talk about the fourth ok?) has a similar religion versus science plot but Ford, Connery and Spielberg obviously just make a far better film.
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National Treasure – a blatant rip-off of the Indiana Jones franchise but still an enjoyable watch with a good cast (Nicholas Cage, Harvey Keitel, Sean Bean).
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Apollo 13 – in case you want to watch Ron Howard and Tom Hanks teaming up to far better effect than either of the Dan Brown adaptations. “Houston, we don’t have a problem” with this film. Gold.
What do we reckon?
With Ron Howard fresh off the brilliant Frost/Nixon and Tom Hanks definitely one to watch for the future, hopes were high for Angels & Demons. On the other hand, with writers like Akiva Goldsman (Batman and Robin) and well, Dan Brown, there was always going to be a risk of this film not being an absolute classic.
What was good, however, was that Robert Langdon managed to get his business-at-the-front-party-at-the-back mullet chopped off between the two films and it’s for that reason that Angels & Demons gets:
6 Tom Hanks recovery haircuts / 10




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I Love You, Man (15)
Plot’s it all about?
Peter Klaven (Paul Rudd) is engaged to Zooey (Rashida Jones) and realises that he has no male friend to fill the role of best man at the upcoming wedding. Following the advice of his brother Robbie (Andy Samberg), he goes on a series of man-dates in a bid to find the platonic Mr. Right. Klaven ends up meeting and instantly bonding with the definitive lads’ lad complete with lad’s pad, Sydney Fife (Jason Segel). Three is company though, and Peter soon has to make a choice between his fiancée and his new-found best friend…
Will the two men ever be able to declare their undying man-love for one another?
Will the three of them ever be able to get along?
And will Ray ever stop talking about Grainne Seoige?
These things are good:
- This is a fresh take on the romantic comedy genre from director John “don’t call me Judd Apatow” Hamburg. He’s pitching the film as Bromance, essentially making this a boy-meets-boy Bromcom.
- Paul Rudd (Official Friend of The Ray Foley Show), so often the scene-stealing support act in his previous films ( Anchorman, Knocked Up), stays top-billed after his performance in Role Models as he brilliantly and believably plays the socially-awkward and cringe-worthy Peter Klaven. It’s a different type of part for Rudd but he manages to make his potentially irritating character completely likeable.
- Similarly, his Forgetting Sarah Marshall co-star Jason Segel puts in a great performance as the man living the man-dream, again adding just the right amount of charm to make sure that his character doesn’t come across as a complete knob.
- Jon Favreau puts in a money performance, ensuring that there are steady laughs from start to finish. Plus he’s in a scene with projectile vomit so that’s two thumbs up.
These things are not so good:
- A good supporting cast is severely underused (Samberg, J.K Simmons), while a Lou Ferrigno cameo is severely overused. They probably didn’t want to make him angry…
- The film is a little too reliant on Peter’s woeful attempts to talk to the other lads using some sort of cool-speak or "Brocabulary". It’s funny at first but over the course of 105 minutes the joke is stretched way too thin.
- Why the Jesus did Peter not just ask his brother to be the best man? Poor Robbie.
Watch these instead/as well:
This film might lead you to believe that Bromance is some sort of new-fangled concept for the movies but that is a big, fat lie. Here are some other (better) examples of how to do the buddy thing:
- Dumb and Dumber – Harry and Lloyd are the true Bromantics.
- Top Gun – just don’t watch the volleyball scene with German subtitles – that stuff will turn you.
- Brokeback Mountain – aren’t these two fellas just the friendliest? It’s even got “Bro” in the title.
What do we reckon?
This being a boy boy thing and in keeping with the zeitgeist, this rating is dedicated to thee definitive example of Irish Bromance out there:
7 Ray & JPs / 10.
