Resistance is futile. It’s happening and it’s here.
Yes...at Christmas no one can hear you scream!
Don’t get us wrong. Here at Today FM Lodge we love Christmas. Love it like Rudolph rubbing the other reindeer’s boring noses in it. Like your weird Uncle loves telling inappropriate jokes at Christmas dinner. Like Irish people secretly kinda enjoy Mrs Browns Boys but are too cool to admit it.
You get the idea! That said there’s one tradition that brings as much potential stress as a cocky kid on The Toy Show.
The work Christmas Party. (dun dun dunnnn)
To make your party passage easier (ok THAT sounded wrong) we have a list of the 5 people you must avoid at yours this year.
1. Octoboss – Alcohol has many effects on the body but for some it can result in the appearance of multiple hands at social gatherings. Yes beware the handsy boss at all costs. He/she will start professionally enough but once the punch exacts said punch the horny mist will descend. Make note of all mistletoe locations and nearby emergency exits.
2. The Cryer - Christmas is a double edged pudding. It can be joyful time but if you’ve just broken up with Dermot from accounts and he hasn’t even noticed how great you look after you spent a fortune on the dress just to show him what he was missing but instead he’s been chatting to that new girl Tracy all night and you hate his stupid unfunny jumper...well it can be a difficult time! The Cryer will not suffer alone and will try and corral as many shoulders and sympathetic hugs as possible. Avoid!
3. The Dark Horse – They say it’s always the quiet ones and they are right. It’s ALWAYS the quiet ones. Kevin doesn’t have much to say in the office. He eats alone at his desk and spends most of his free time researching drones on the internet. Most people don’t even know his surname and he’s more than happy keeping it that way. Yet once Kevin necks a Jager bomb at the start of the party he turns into a shirt swinging, dancefloor destroying, truth bombing nightmare. He will have no memory of the upset and carnage that he has left in his destructive wake and will blank you the day after as if he never told you how much he sincerely hates everything about you the night before.
4. The Gas Character – Every workplace has them. The one person who thinks they’re the life and soul of the office and that their jokes are as essential to their colleagues as the kettle in the kitchen. The Christmas Party is their Olympic final and nobody is safe from a bit of banter or even worse...pranks. It is acceptable to lock this individual in the nearest bathroom cubicle. If you think yours doesn’t have a ‘gas character’...well then it’s YOU!
5. The Watcher – The Watcher will barely drink all night with the sole intention of watching everyone else making an utter jingle bells of themselves. No slurry stumble, disastrous dance move or indecent indiscretion goes unnoticed. All evidence is carefully filed away. This cunning creature carries its poison in its tongue and will pounce when you are your most vulnerable...the morning after! ‘Hii Jen...ohh how’s the head...you were in some state last night’. Screaming for them to eff off is legal.