Given that flights to the continent are grounded indefinitely, we thought we’d ask Anton to give us a rundown on that long forgotten past-time - the motoring holiday! Take a listen here and check out Anton's route itineraries below.
Route 1: Toulouse-Andorra-Barcelona
Jump on the ferry in Rosslare, get dinner, go to sleep, wake up in Cherbourg. Go see the Normandy beaches, walk around Mont Saint Michel, then drive to Bordeaux. Go to sleep. (Or have dinner, or go clubbing. Either way, spend the night). The next morning, bright and early drive to Toulouse. There’s nothing in Toulouse. Other than Airbus. And you can see airbuses anywhere. But Toulouse is the jumping off point for one of Europe’s greatest roads. It winds up the Pyrenees to Andorra, climbing to roughly 5000 feet (higher than Carrantouhil). As you climb the road switches back on itself like a gymnast’s ribbon, hairpin after hairpin. If you’re on a bike and you don’t have your hero-blobs and knee-sliders gone by the time you reach the top, buy a Goldwing. In a car you’ll barely have time to unwind the wheel after a ninety degree left before you have to throw it into a ninety degree right. As you climb, two things happen. First, your breath is taken away by the views. Second, the engine’s breath is taken away by the altitude; you’re likely to lose 25% of your horsepower by the time you get to the top. Don’t worry, it grows back.
When you get to Andorra, fight for parking. Andorra’s a tax have so you can spend an hour or two buying cheap electronics and jewellery (or if you’re a biker, grabbing cheap gear for the bike). Get lunch, catch your breath and get ready for the journey down. It’s like the journey up, only slightly more petrifying with more cliff faces directly beside the road. It (after several exhausting hours) will drop you into Barcelona. Wash the car/bike/torso. And get some sleep.
Route 2: Munich-Innsbruck -Modena
Ferry to Holyhead. Put brain in boot and prepare for skull-numbing boredom all the way to Dover. Drive on to the channel and prepare for an anticlimax. You think ‘ooohh and exciting tunnel under the sea’ but you get ‘oh. It’s dark. I can’t see anything. God this is dull’. Then you pop out in France. Which is nice any time, but after thirty minutes locked in a dark box under the sea it’s positively thrilling. Quickly head for Munich. You head for Munich because you’ve got to get to the Alps and you’re either going through the Mont Blanc tunnel (which is like the Dublin Port Tunnel only slantyer) or you’re going through Switzerland. In Switzerland they will seize your car if it hasn’t been washed recently and the Mont Blanc isn’t that thrilling. So head for Munich. Then sleep heavily, or go dance to techno till your ears bleed. Then jump in the car early the next morning and head for Innsbruck. Innsbruck is the Sound of Music meets Heidi. Which is nice. It is also the start of the Brenner Pass. Which is nicer. Fast sweeping motorway on huge raised bridge sections hanging in the pass which leads to Italy. Stunning, challenging but not tiring (unless you pick the exact day that all of Germany goes to Rimini on its holidays. Which means horrendous traffic. We don’t know what day that happens. Life’s full of gambles.)
The road sweeps and winds its way down from the Alps onto the Italian plains, ultimately arriving in the planet’s capital of motoring. Modena, birthplace of Ferrari and home of the modern factory. All around are the homes world’s most famous engineers; Lamborghini, DeTomaso, Ducati, Maserati. Look at cars. Eat pasta. Shout ‘Bella machina!’ at people in Opel Corsas.
Route 3: Isle of Man
Get the Isle of Man Steam Packet to the Isle of Man. Drive it like you stole it. Go home.
Well, it’s not quite that simple. If you have a bike, go during the TT. If you don’t, don’t. Make sure you don’t break the speed limits in towns or talk on your phone in the car (the manxianneians take that kind of thing very badly. And whipping is legal there.) Once you see the black and white sign that means ‘national limit applies’ it really means ‘no limit applies,’ because huge section of the island’s road network is unrestricted. This doesn’t actually mean you can drive it like you stole it; you can be arrested for reckless or dangerous driving, but you can push it on a bit as long as you stay sensible. If you’re on a bike, wear a yellow helmet. With a black stripe.