I'm 32 and I can't parallel park

It's finally Rolling Stones Day! Woop! I've been waiting for years to see them live, and plan to head in nice and early to catch The Academic who are supporting them. (They're on stage at 7pm)

Because I am with child, in the family way, up the Larry Duff, Harry preggers, preggo, have one in the oven (okay, you get it) I will be driving tonight and I have already begun to stress about parallel parking. That's correct - I am 32 and I cannot parallel park. 

I asked the listeners in the Tree of Trust that is the Early Breakfast to state their age and something they can't do. They didn't let me down:


  • “I'm Ger and I’m 39 and I can't make coffee!!! I don't drink the stuff and don't know how much to put in. It either turns out like concrete or slightly brownish water!”


  • “I’m 31... and I can’t use a tin opener....that's why god invented the pull ring ones!”


  • “I'm Shane, I'm 37. I can swim but I can't tread water. I also can't manage to take keys off a keyring. Or put them on a keyring for that matter!”


  • “Hi Paula, I have a confession to make, I am 38 used to be a chef and I cannot tie an apron around my back. I remember I used to tie the apron and then step into and put it into position!” - Brian


  • “I’m 40ish, and I can't sit on toilet without something to read- book, paper, back of Domestos bottle!”


  • “Good morning Paula..I'm 53 and can't do joined up writing!” – Paul from Belfast


  • “Good morning Paula. I'm Kevin, I'm 30 years old and I can't...wink with my left eye! I can wink all day with my right one but can't manage it with the left. I just end up blinking and looking like an eejit!”


  • “Paula. My name is Mick, I'm 42 and I can't iron. My wife says that I'm the only person she has ever met who manages to put MORE creases in to things!”


  • “Hi Paula! I’m 47 and I can't parallel park my car either! I drive a bus for a living and I can do it in that but not my car. I'm not telling you my name cause the lads in work would never let me live it down!”


  • “I’m 56 and can't swim” – Jimmy


  • “Hi Paula John here...I am 39 and I still cannot see the difference between black and navy”


  • “Marty here. 36 and I still can't understand women”


  • “Hi, I am 42 years old and I don't have binocular vision. 3D movies are wasted on me and I can't be a pilot!” - Patricia


  • “Paula I’m 22 and I struggle with telling my left from my right”


  • “I’m 36 and still can’t drive! Been putting it off for 15 years!”


  • “I’m 28 and stil can’t tell how many days are in a month without singing it!”


  • “Paula I'm 34 and I can't cycle!”


  • “Morning Paula. I’m 56 and I still can’t figure out how Irish men came so low down in the league table of Handsome nations (yesterday's survey). I’m still chewing over that one with my badly worn teeth!” - Sean in Tralee