All The People You Are Guaranteed To See At An Irish Festival
There are so many festivals happening in Ireland this August Bank Holiday weekend that if you’re not attending one, then your probably in the minority!
Here’s a list of some heads you are bound to encounter:
Organised Aisling: She is the Major General of packing. All items placed in perfect formation like a winning line in Tetris. She’ll have the small bottles plundered from a hotel stay, Wet-wipes (plus extra wet wipes for other people) and is the only one with a laminated map possibly hanging around her neck.
Blasé Barry: He will wear a bin bag poncho and carry a slab of cans on his shoulder. There’s also a chance he has two colostomy bags filled with Polish vodka glued to his thighs. Will emerge from the wooded area (possibly naked) when festival ends.
DJ Dervla: Got a free ticket. Will be doing a 20 minute DJ set in the Irish language tent in the woods at 9am on Sunday and hopes you can make it down.
Penney Dash Paula: She has nothing prepared and buys EVERYTHING on the morning of the festival usually in Penneys.
A & R Alan: He has the lowdown on EVERY band. Knows every song even the rare B-side tracks that when played live every uses to chat to each other. He has DEFINTELY made a Spotify playlist and sent it to everyone in the WhatsApp group.
VIP Vicky: Has not heard any of the bands. What even is music? Calls dance music “EDM.” Will not darken the door of a portaloo all weekend but she really LOVES festivals. Cultural appropriation headdress is essential.
Wristband Raymond: Wears every wristband from every festival ever attended risking arm gangrene and insists on telling you that Witness 2002 was the best.
Nostalgic Noel: He has seen EVERYONE before they were signed. The festival was over for Noel when he saw more than two people attend the first one. "It's gone too commercial" Still attends just to see how much it's gone downhill.
Last Minute Larry: "There's a festival?!!" "Yeah we all got our tickets 6 months ago when we told you we were" Without a ticket he spends his time at home texting anyone in the group for the duration of the weekend asking how it going and what bands they've seen