This is quite possibly the creepiest and macabre thing I have ever attempted on the Early Breakfast – but bear with me; I’ll pick it back up again in just a few minutes.
According to a survey in the papers today, over half of people have no idea what words of wisdom should be spoken at their funeral. Some 52% of people said that they have never given a moment’s thought to their eulogy – and 42% of people don’t know what a eugoogly is.
Now, like it or not, we’re all going to be dust in the wind some day, so instead of focusing on the macabre, let’s look for the charming in what would be our Living Obituaries. As always – I’ll go first.
Paula takes fashion advice from nobody – flip-flops will always be en vogue even though she has hobbity feet. She hates bad grammar and the fact that clothing companies sew itchy tags into the back of necks of garments. She will probably die as a result of being stubborn, refusing to follow a health plan. She enjoys booze, food and Tom Hardy.
And so the flood-gates opened...
- "Gwen tastes ALL the pastries, works six days a week and NEVER gets a Mac Sweeney Beanie"
- "Hey Paula, my living obituary: Joe smells of cows and generally has cow poo somewhere on his person no matter how clean he tries to be. He's mostly happy but can be grumpy, moany and hangry too! Normally all at the same time!!! He needs to cut his ear hair more, compliment his wife more and sleep more. He needs to eat fewer biscuits. He loves his family, cows and the GAA, not necessarily in that order. Will most likely die from a custard cream overdose or by getting annoyed by someone being late!!"
- "Despite being up at 4:30 every morning Larry is NOT a morning person. Larry from Waterford
- "Bob is a living god, loved by puppies and smells of fresh cookies. Also has a fine ass and shoulders." - Biased Bob in Mullingar
- "Favourite child of Claire and John, Ciara favours 4-letter words, watching Netflix and lying about what she’s eaten that day."
- "Danny always wondered what would happen if he pressed that button."
- "I have great memories of my wife, my children and a host of backstabbing siblings who still owe me money."
- "It was I who stole the vouchers from under the tree in 1996 and also, I never actually got that degree. Ha."
- "Susan loves most things about Cork since moving there – the rain, the nightlife and the accents. Susan does not like the Jack Lynch tunnel on a Friday evening."
- "Arsene Wenger says when he dies he wants 6 Arsenal players as pall bearers so they can let him down one last time." - Martin
- "Here lies poor Owen Conroy loved life to the full but got a head cold and had no MacSweeney beanie hat to keep his little bald head warm the poor crathur."
