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Mairead Ronan

"My Husband Says He Hates Our Son" - A Brave Mother Asks For Help

Mairead regularly gets emails into the show from those of you who feel like you can trust her and th...
Orla Ormond
Orla Ormond

2:40 PM - 18 May 2021



Mairead Ronan

"My Husband Says He Hates Our Son" - A Brave Mother Asks For Help

Orla Ormond
Orla Ormond

2:40 PM - 18 May 2021

Listen to this episode



Mairead regularly gets emails into the show from those of you who feel like you can trust her and the listeners to give some advice, but sometimes we need to call in the professionals for advice.

This is one of those emails, so Mairead enlisted the help of author and psychotherapist Stella O'Malley.

An anonymous listener was in touch looking because her husband says he hates their 4 year old son. Stella praised the mother's bravery and emotional courage to write down what she was going through, and she advised on what steps can be taken next.

“Mairead, I'm looking for some advice as I don't know what to do.

My husband keeps telling me he hates our 4 year old son. We have 3 kids and our son is the middle child. He can be very challenging at times, he is strong willed and stubborn and has quite a few meltdowns when he doesn't get his own way. But overall he's a lovely kid and very sweet and kind. He's a typical boy - loud and boisterous and can get a bit rough with his sisters from time to time.

My husband suffers from depression and anxiety and blames it all on our son, he even tells our son he is his problem when he loses it with him.

My husband has always treated our son different to our 2 daughters and loses the rag with him constantly over the smallest things. He has never hit any of our kids and never would but he scares the life out of them roaring and shouting at them when they do something wrong or don't do as he asks. He has grabbed our son a few times but never grabs our daughters.

I have tried to get him to seek help for his anger issues and depression and anxiety but he keeps throwing it back at me, telling me I think he's a bad Dad and that there’s nothing or nobody that can help him because it's our son that triggers him. 

I have spoken to family members on both sides and his Mother has said my son is exactly like his Dad was at that age so they're just too alike and they'll be fine. I don't want my son growing up resenting his Dad and I'm afraid my husband's actions and words are scarring my son for life.

He is convinced that there is something wrong with our son and has often told me in front of our son that there’s something wrong with the child. He thinks he is the only one who disciplines our kids because I don't roar and shout at them. He thinks I'm too soft and let them away with too much.

When he's not angry he's a brilliant Dad, our kids all idolise him. I love my husband and my kids but I just don't know how to resolve the problem.

I'd like to know if any of your listeners have had similar issues and how did they go about solving them.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated."

"My Husband Says He Hates Our Son" - A Brave Mother Asks For Help

00:00:00 / 00:00:00

You can hear the chat in full by pressing the play button on screen.


Read more about

Counselling Father Son Relationship Parenting Psychotherapist Therapy

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