Cringey Crush Fails
In today’s papers, Gordon Ramsay has revealed that he lost 4 stone in order to keep his wife Tana. He says he saw a photo of him, poolside with David Beckham and decided that he had to lose weight. (In fairness, anyone standing next to David Beckham is going to look like a mutant).
Anyway, lots of other people have done things to impress someone. Some worked, and some failed. I know a guy who learned how to cook for his now-wife. And I mean cook – this guy couldn’t boil an egg before, and now he’s making soufflés.
Not all stories had a good ending though...
- “Paula I drank so much in Freshers Week, I paseds out and she had to call 999.” – FIRST OF ALL – please visit DrinkAware.ie. And secondly - she cared enough to call 999. I think you've got a shot!
- “I used to play basketball. I was actually decent at it, til the girl I fancied was around (we’re going back 10 years now). I used to turn into a fumbling mess. One day, I tried to dunk, but instead fell completely short and landed on my face. Wound up breaking my nose. Must have worked though, we ended up going out for a while and were debs dates!”
- “I was at a party with this guy, and he shoved his entire fist into his own mouth to impress a girl. Wally.”
- “Agreed to do a Strictly Come Dancing for charity 2 years ago coz the girl I liked was doing it. Literally didn’t see her until the night itself and she was brilliant and I was useless, I have 2 left feet. Fail!”
- "I met a fella on a night out and as I was leaving, I awkwardly hugged him just as he went in for a kiss. I thought, I better recover well so tried to sashay down the steps...tripped and fell. It was our 2-year anniversary on NYE!”
- “Paula a friend of mine learned how to do the rap part from One Week by Barenaked Ladies to impress this girl, we were 15. "Chickity China, the Chinese chicken!"
- “Morning Paula. A few years ago I began seeing a girl I really wanted to make an impression with. Anyway on Valentine's Day, instead of the customary bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates, I presented her with a packet of flower seeds and a small flat Dairymilk bar. Thankfully she saw the funny side and we are 25 years married this year!” - Sean in Tralee
- “Hey Paula I once got a girl’s name shaved into my hair. She told me to cop on and grow up AND I got suspended from school as well!” - Dermot in Wexford
- "I was walking around London when I made eye contact with a man who had clearly been crafted by the hand of the gods. I then walked into a pole. He laughed so much it still haunts me to this day."
- “Paula I was sitting on a street bench on day with two mates, all cool, we were up on the back with our feet on the seat part. This girl I fancied was walking on the opposite side so I yelled out "hello" and took a leap off the bench between two cars to go over, or what I thought was two cars. It was a car and trailer, shin bounced off the tow bar and at the end of "hello" was gangly 16 year old me splattering across the street on a face plant.” - Niall in Tipp
- “Hi Paula, when I was living in London myself and my friends were out with a couple of London boys we were trying to impress. Fire Starter started playing and instead of shouting fire starter, I sang “I am a firefighter a twisted firefighter’. Still mortified!” - Ellie Galway
- “Not a specific instance Paula but thanks what’s up with That swag/gorilla walk young lads are doing these days? It looks like they're walking through shallow water.” – I call it The Conor McGregor Wiggle and yes – it looks ridiculous
- "I pulled a piece of scrap paper out of my bag to give my number to a fella once on a night out... He texted me later to say thanks, and asked if I realised that I'd written my number on the receipt for my bikini wax.”