Us Irish have a near mystical relationship with our weather. We are inextricably tied to its whims and moods and are at the mercy of its cruel and brutal mood swings. We are essentially the Baldrick to its Blackadder!
As soon as the sun comes out for any longer than 6 minutes, like any creature, desperate for any glimpse of affection, we just about stop short of running around in circles and wetting the carpet.
So before the sun flounces off, here are our Top 5 signs that its Summer in Ireland.
1. Heat means Hot!
*cue David Attenborough v/o
Rideus Maximus aka the Hottie is a creature that incredibly hibernates out of sight for 3 seasons out 4, only emerging when the temperature outside reaches the optimum levels. Males/Females can be seen swaggering/sashaying along busy thoroughfares causing confusion and sexual fervour amongst the general population.
2. Whiter Shade Of Pale
It is no coincidence that Brahm Stoker created Dracula here in Ireland, what better inspiration for a deathly pale being who reacts violently to sunlight! Yet unlike our bucktoothed creation, we Irish will fling our shirts away like pasty strippers at even the sight of someone opening a Capri-sun and parade our pale puckered bits for all to see and recoil.
3. Radio goes Ga Ga!
Irish radio jocks are very much creatures of habit. For example, few will play ‘Carly Simon’s ‘You’re So Vain’ without reminding us knowingly that is was written about Warren Beatty and few will let a bit of sunshine pass without dusting off the old summer standards. Flick about the dial on any hot day and you are bound to hear some if not all of the following...
4. Illin’ An Grillin’
The very threat of there being the chance of even a hint of sun will have us Irish scraping down the BBQ and down to the local supermarket to buy as much meat to feed a Jaws family reunion, some token lettuce and boxes of those tiny beers so we can joke about feeling like giants. Irish men will kindly allow the womenfolk prepare the salads, the sides, the sauces, the paper plates, cutlery, napkins, ice buckets, desserts, seating and music whilst himself lazily pokes and flips the meat before handing it to the woman before taking all the glory for putting on such an amazing spread.
5. Haters Gonna Heat!
As mentioned, us Irish have a troubled relationship with the weather. Some deal with it with endless optimism with the barometer always being halfway up. Yet there are some who look at Jean Byrne’s snazz and instead of seeing a futuristic lace and silver skin tight off the shoulder halter top only see the garb of the grim reaper. Yes, whilst the rest of us are streaking our white bodies giddily to the butchers whilst listening to Don Henley and leering at seldom spotted hottie there will always be one voice that will cut through it all a ‘Ah it’s too hot’. There is a place for such people and rest assured if they think it’s hot now....!
