We all know that ‘when Irish eyes are smiling, sure tis like the morn in Spring’...unless you’re hungover and your eyes more resemble a wet Monday morning in Moate.
Suffering the after effects of a night on the gargle is for many as Irish as eating barnbrack whilst saying The Angelus during the Toy Show.
For a nation so adept at making them, we are less accomplished at dealing with hangovers. Drama queen declarations of impending death abound as we flail about the nearest soft furnishings communicating in grunts and groans.
So with this in mind, we thought we’d slip into our Uggs and hoodies to rundown our...
Top 5 Hangover Inventions That Do Or Should Exist
1. Pizza Button
The desire for another human to come to your door with delicious food when your hangover is only matched by the despair at having to pick up the phone and verbalise your demands. Well the geniuses at Dominos have fixed it all with the invention of a button you simply press to make pizza happen. It’s got something to do with Bluetooth and an app and who cares. *bangs button repeatedly.
2. Rent a Mammy
Sure you can hire cleaners and masseuses by the hour but what about booking the services of an Irish Mam when needed is surely a multi billion industry just waiting to happen. When you’re hungover sometimes the only possible solution is to be fussed over by your Ma. Perfectly timed cups of tea, mash potato and being called ‘pet’ are your only man when you’re suffering. Our idea is that you’d ring the service and a woman would come to your house and do all of the above whilst leaving you alone on the sofa to watch ‘that fella you like’ on the telly.
3. Hangover Taxi
London instant noodle maker Kabuto Noodles is promoting a clever new service for commuters who might have had a few too many cocktails at the previous night's office holiday party. The company is offering a “hangover taxi," called the Kab-U-To Work, which picks up victims of a hangover from home and taxis them to work. The company says that the car will arrive bearing goodies including orange juice, headache meds, sunglasses, breathe mints and a delicious bowl of Kabuto's hot noodle soup. And in case that didn't sound like enough of a Christmas miracle, the taxi service is free. Now whilst we appreciate the greatness of their kindness we’d like the option of a breakfast roll.
4. A Lucozade Tap
For every drink you’ve guzzled the night before there are as many suggestions of what liquids will help ease the hell the next day. There is only 1 to rule them all....a cold bottle of fizzy, spikey Lucozade. The need for its speedy hit of goodness often can’t wait as you stand outside the shop, immediately after purchasing it, to stand pouring it down your gasping throat followed by the requisite ‘Oh thank God that’s better’. How amazing would it be to have a tap in your kitchen that solely sprung the cold nectar at any time it was required. Very amazing indeed.
5. A Hangover TV Channel
Now we know Ch4 ran something along these lines some years ago but they somewhat ruined it all by populating it with teeth crushingly annoying presenters, rubbing forced zaniness and ‘antics’ into your eyes at any opportunity. We simply need a dedicated channel that shows hours of the following fare...
The Karate Kid
30 Rock
Home And Away
Storage Wars
Scrubs
The Gilmore Girls
The Princess Bride
Ru Paul’s Drag Race
....for hours. Imagine!!
