If you fancy looking like Simon Cowell, the vainest man on telly, here’s what you’ll need to do:
- Cover yourself in oil and wrap yourself in cling film and tin foil
- Have regular vitamin injections – a cocktail of B12, vitamin C and magnesium – given through a drip you will be hooked up to for half an hour by a nurse who visits your home.
- Install a detoxifying machine in your bedroom
- Lots of Botox
- Several hundred push-ups
- Wear hideous bootcut jeans (bordering on flares), high heels and ratty old white t-shirts.
- Have 300 million pounds sterling in the bank.
Louis Tomlinson was kicked out of a plush hotel at 4am for trashing his room, after partying all night with pals at a student nightclub in Newcastle.
He was sinking vodkas and cokes for a pound all night before bringing a load of people back to his hotel where they trashed the place. Louis is about to be a dad. Ah come on now.
From streaking on Tallafornia and making a living as a stripper to an honours degree in molecular biology, Marc O’Neill who went into Big Brother UK earlier this year has proved to be the exception to the rule of “thicks” in Tallafornia. He even has plans to move to the States where nobody knows him because he’s sick of being a Z-list celeb. His admitting this makes me like him lots.
