It's a close call!
On today’s show, Jen got in touch, saying she had been waiting for me to return to work so she could tell me something that happened to her a couple of weeks ago. Any message that begins with “I was saving this for you…” has to be good!
“Morning Paula, I was waiting for you to come back to tell you what happened me a couple of weeks ago. I had to fly around Tesco and hubby said he would wait in the car seeing as I wouldn't be long. A few minutes later and armed with 3 bags, I ran across the road and pulled the boot open, throwing all the shopping in. Then I heard, howiyah love? And I was so confused to see a man getting out of the front seat. I saw a load of tools in the boot and asked, what’s all this? And he asked me again if I was okay… then I heard my husband roaring laughing, parked a few cars down. Everyone was in knots laughing while I was trying to grab all my shopping shouting sorry sorry sorry!”
Poor Jen - but at least was an honest mistake. I know I couldn’t be the only one whose siblings used to orchestrate for that to happen on purpose? Being the youngest was a scourge because you would always be on the receiving end of the pranks. My brother used to always park the car, make me run into the shop and when I’d come out, he would be parked somewhere else. One day, by horrible coincidence, the exact same colour and make of car parked up where he had been and in I hopped. I’m ashamed to say I ratted him out and he got in trouble that day. Heh.
- “Paula I asked my sister to do up my CV years ago and she told me to look it over before sending it out. I wondered why I never got any calls for interviews and when I looked at the CV she had written under skills: hiding under the desk. Robbing pencils. Posh phone voice. Good enough for me, not reading the CV!”
- “Paula this was a genuine accident but I’ve never been allowed to forget it. I dropped my little brother off at the wrong birthday party! Only realised when I went to pick up him later on… they must have thought I was mad. He had a great time but I got killed when I got home!”
And just when you’re old enough for your siblings to stop picking on you… your toddler starts:
- “Paula, wait til your little man starts talking, then you’ll know what cringe really is. Took my son on the bus recently and under 4s are free so I said one adult ticket please, and he’ll be 4 in November. And didn’t he start saying NO MAMMY, I’M FIVE! Paula, he really, really is only 3 but try explain that to the annoyed bus driver!”
- “In a supermarket last week, my 18 month old reaches out and starts touching the backside of the person in front of us in the queue shouting BUM BUM. I almost died.”
- “Paula I brought my 3-year-old niece to a pound shop and told her to pick something. She picked a soft emoji teddy – the poop one. I HATE that emoji, it’s rotten, so I made her pick another smiley one. We were half way down the street and she takes a deep breath and starts shouting how she wanted a poop and I wouldn’t let her have a poop. People stared”.