You may not know by the dull weather but the Leaving Cert broke the starting line on potentially the most significant/insignificant few weeks of their young lives this morning. This mental and emotional obstacle course is a rites of passage and whilst many would argue its merit, there is no denying it has tattooed it’s presence on many of our hearts.
The Leaving Cert, above all, provides the guardians of our students the opportunity to turn the fussing up to 11 as they anxiously cluck about their already anxious children with some bizarre advice and prayer filled pep talks.
Here are the Top 5 things every Leaving Cert student will hear over the next few weeks.
‘Have ya enough pens love’
Every stationary shop and newsagent the length and breadth is on high alert as Mams bustle in and grab every writing device they have on offer for fear that Declan runs out of options in the middle of his stunning deconstruction of Othello. Declan will find pens sewn into the freshly ironed underpants should he need them.
‘I lit a candle this morning’
Religion may be loosening its large grip on this little country but in times of need you’ll even find the staunchest atheists throwing a coin into the slot and lighting a penny candle at the top of the nearest church with the innate assurance that this will ensure safe passage for their child through the exams. The current Irish record is held by Maura Delaney from Castlebar who lit 67 candles in 7 minutes in two different churches. Their daughter Elaine is now studying medicine in Trinity. Now for ya!
‘I took a message’
There are high security prison wards in America that are patrolled with less fervour than the study room in many Irish homes. You are allowed exercise time and refreshments for 15 minutes every hour and pity the poor fool who thinks they can chat to ANYBODY on their confiscated phone during study time. ‘I took a message and you can talk to them AFTER the exam tomorrow’ is the only sentence you will hear another human speak during these hours.
‘I got you the exam pullout from the Irish Times, The Independent, the Examiner, The Connaught Tribune, The Limerick Leader, The Kerryman....’
Our parent’s blind faith in the advice from journalists and experts must not be underestimated. It’s all well and good lighting a candle but according to yer wan from Operation Transformation, Catherine needs to eat 4 different coloured fruit an hour and only white meat that died naturally in its sleep for a month 3 times a day for the duration of the exams. Sleep is the secret weapon to success and anything less than 8 hours will result in their child with no option but to join a circus instead of going to college.
‘Don’t stress too much love; it doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. We’re proud of you no matter what!’
THEY ARE LYING
