The X-Factor. The Voice. Ireland's Got Talent (shudder). All of these so-called music competitions are not worthy to tie the sequinned bra strap of the dazzling Daddy of them all... THE EUROVISION!
It may have lost some of its glittery gleam in recent years but for us Irish it has been as much a part of growing up as gawping at the Rose Of Tralee, gulping Angel Delight and grousing at having to go to Mass.
Before the celtic tiger roared and mauled us, before nuggets became goujons and yoga was the Longford term for yoghurt...
Less sniggering down the back there, and have let us return to the land that Logan built with Today FM’s favourite Eurovision moments...
Why Me?... because you’re worth it!
5. Oh Lordi Lordi!
Imagine if you will, a sea of taffeta frills and gold lame lycra... prancing and twirling about backstage in Athens in 2006. Suddenly there is a scream... a flamenco backing singer from Spain faints extravagantly as silence descends. Through the mists of time and hairspray emerges a group of men - nay - monsters with the armour of ancient warriors and the voices of chainsaws. Imagine Tolkien took acid and created a boyband and this goes some way to describe the glorious madness of Finland’s actual monsters of rock Lordi.
They took the competition by the throat and delighted it to victory with one of the most jaw dropping victories in the competition’s jaw damaging history!
4. A Tale Of Two Danas!
Ireland began its mighty dominance of Eurovision the wee moment a wee slip of a lass from Derry climbed atop a wee stool in Amsterdam and chirped that ‘All Kinds Of Everything’ reminded her of her wee fella.
Still only 17 and still at school, Dana Rosemary Scanlon charmed the continent and brought it home like a wee boss selling millions of copies of her love list around the world as a result.
Cut to Birmingham in 1998 and another Dana was about to rock out with her... vote out!
Dana International, an Israeli trans woman won the competition in 1998 and caused people to confront some serious questions, especially ‘HOW THE FECK DO ISRAEL QUALIFY FOR A EUROPEAN COMPETITION?!’
Dana came back the following year to present the 1999 winner from Sweden with her award in Tel Aviv. True to form, she stole the show by toppling over on stage, making the headlines once again and cementing her beautiful face in the Eurovision Hall of Heroines.
3. Swede Dreams Are Made Of This.
The Eurovision is essentially a series of bizarre moments strung together with silly string.
This judge from Sweden clearly had let the, er, spirit of the occasion get the better of him, slurring his way through his country’s votes and who better than everyone’s favourite slightly jarred Uncle, Terry Wogan to take us through it!
2. Wiy–oh-mani... NOOL PWA!
With pesky peacetime getting in the way post war Europe was like a hurler at a cricket match... twitching to get shtuck into some lad!
Well along came Eurovision and here was a bloodless way to settle old scores and right some ancient wrongs. The swapping of zeroes between old rivals is as certain as a presenter talking over a time delayed judge.
Following Turkey's 1974 invasion of Cyprus, the dicey relations between Turkey and Greece spilled over onto the Eurovision stage. Greece withdrew its entry in the 1975 contest in protest over Turkey's inclusion. In 1976, Turkish TV refused to broadcast the Greek performance 'My Lady, My Lady' as it was suspected of being about the invasion. The animosity continues to this day in the contest's scoring system, in which each country gets to vote on every song: Greece famously likes to award top marks to Cyprus, while Turkey traditionally gives it the cold shoulder.
Yet before we throw glitterballs inside our own eurobubble, let us not us not deny the glee this nation expresses when we here those fateful words Wiy–oh-mani ...NOOL PWA! Yes, England doing badly is often cherished as much as a bead of Johnny Logan’s sweat but even the Sinn Fein HQ would have winced when this happened in 2006.
1. Eeerland... DOOOZ PWA!
Ireland has participated in the Eurovision Song Contest 48 times since making its debut at the 1965 Contest in Naples. Since then, they have missed only two contests, in 1983 in Munich and 2002 in Tallinn. Ireland is the most successful country in the contest, with a total of seven wins.
Essentially, in football terms Ireland are the Brazil of the Eurovision! We may have lost our game in recent years but none can rival our utter dominance and flair... ok well flares at least.
If we were to pick one of the 7 from wee Dana stalkily gathering comparative data on the object of her unstoppable desire to Linda Martin's belting out a bemoaning ‘Why Me!’, there really is only one that we want to hold us now.
Much as Edson Arantes do Nascimento was to become Pele... Seán Patrick Michael Sherrard was destined to become Johnny!
Johnny Logan is the only person to win it twice, even writing his winning entry in 1987. The face and voice of an angel with the suit of saint, his win in 1987 will go down as our greatest moment in Eurovision history.
Hmph...
