June and November, you can almost set your watch to it. The summer and autumn tests always bring out the same smart alecs.
It always follows the same pattern. The final whistle has barely blown on an Irish test match, and the usual suspects go on the defensive. They tweet about how Ireland just won a “friendly”, and sit back delighted with their day’s work.
It’s as hilarious as it was the last time they said it, and the time before that, and the time before that. Reading each comment, you can almost picture them grinning to themselves, the kind of smile you make when you fart on a bus just before you get off.
Their logic is simple, and apparently bulletproof. In soccer, they have World Cup qualifiers, and they also have friendlies. As a result, every other sport in the world must be measured the same. Each game of rugby outside of the Six Nations and the World Cup may as well be a September leg-stretch against Oman.
There are a number of reasons why a test match in rugby is treated as more than a “friendly”. To begin with, the number of teams playing international rugby to a high level is considerably less than that of soccer. The knock-on is that teams are playing each other with greater frequency. That greater familiarity with each other leaves far more scores to be settled between players and individuals.
Of course, there are occasions when test matches in rugby move closer to being friendlies. The usual three or four warm-up games before a World Cup are really just a chance to blow off the cobwebs and work on partnerships. Results are soon forgotten once the tournament starts. They're important, but not that important.
Ranking points also come into it. Unlike in soccer, where it can actually work in your favour to give friendlies a skip, the summer and autumn tests actually play a major role in determining your seeding for a World Cup. In November 2012 Ireland hosted Argentina in Dublin in their final game before the 2015 World Cup draw was to be made. Defeat for Ireland that day would have seen them fall outside the top 8 in the rankings, which in turn would have meant a third seed for the World Cup. In the end, it was Wales who were left outside the top 8, resulting in a stacked pool containing themselves, Australia and England.
For the 2019 draw, Ireland held onto their place in the top four by a nose-hair under pressure from Wales. We’ll now play Scotland and Japan at the next tournament, while Wales have Australia. Wins against the All Blacks and Australia last November will have gone a long way towards that.
Another aspect is the international rugby calendar itself, and the fact that cross-hemisphere competitions never existed until the modern era. Since the first World Cup didn’t arrive until 1987, it means that Ireland’s only chances to play New Zealand, Australia or South Africa were test matches. Or friendlies, if you’re hilarious.
Up until 1987, Ireland had only ever played England, Scotland, Wales and France in a “competitive game”. They’ve never faced South Africa in a World Cup, and they’ve only played New Zealand once, and that was 26 years ago. Even if Ireland were to get to World Cup semi-finals and finals over the next 20 years, you’re relying on luck of the draw to play the southern hemisphere big three.
It’s not just in Ireland that the games are taken seriously. If you’d kept an eye on the New Zealand press 12 months ago, you’d have been hard-pressed to find their media dismissing their loss to Ireland as no-big-deal, just because it was a “friendly”. Instead, their performance was put under the microscope, and they returned to Dublin a couple of weeks later like a different animal.
It’s snobbery to suggest the games don’t matter simply because they aren’t part of a qualifying campaign. Of course, it’s the kind of snobbery we see coming from fans of every sport in Ireland. Rugby fans certainly aren’t immune. Every Nigel Owens one liner, every act of good sportsmanship, every time opposition fans enjoy a pint together, the insecure among us use it as a weapon to beat football fans. We don’t talk back to referees, we don’t dive. We’re pure.
Every time we have an entertaining game of hurling, we have to be reminded about how some football games end scoreless. The players all have jobs to go to in the morning too. Haven’t you heard?
If rugby isn’t your thing, fair enough. If you hate soccer, that’s your call. The perfect sport is yet to be invented (although artistic billiards may come close), so until it is, why don’t we just enjoy the games for what they are?
Next May in Malahide, there will be plenty of cricket lovers getting rightfully emotional about witnessing Ireland take to the field in their first game as a test nation. Good luck telling them they’re getting worked up over a “friendly”. Just sit back and enjoy a day out in the sun. Although, since it’s Dublin in May, that might not be the best idea.
